


more than I have ever

by lavenderlotion



Series: Lav's Soft Holiday Gift Fics [18]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Established Relationship, Introspection, Kissing, M/M, Tony Stark Has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, holiday fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2021-02-24 15:53:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21980494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavenderlotion/pseuds/lavenderlotion
Summary: “Merry Christmas to you as well, Anthony,” Loki said against his ear, his voice soft in the quiet room. Tony wrapped his arms around Loki’s waist and held him tightly. “It’s been a wonderful year, my love.”
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark
Series: Lav's Soft Holiday Gift Fics [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1580710
Comments: 14
Kudos: 94





	more than I have ever

**Author's Note:**

  * For [InsertSthMeaningful](https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsertSthMeaningful/gifts).



> first time writing these two, be kind

Tony was working on a suit, focused on the metal under his hands and the wiring he was twisting to obey his command. Rock music was blaring, the bass thumping through him almost in time with the erratic beat of his heart. He nodded his head along with the music, lost in his own world as he worked but distantly aware of another presence in the workshop.

Loki was curled up on the ratty, well-used couch in the corner of the lab, a green shawl threaded through with silver wrapped around him. Tony couldn't help but be aware of him. He was reading, a large tome levitating in front of him, pages turning every few minutes. He had a mug of tea in hand that he was sipping at distractedly, and Tony spent a few distracted minutes distracted himself, watching Loki read, eyes tracking over his messy bun of hair and pale skin.

Gods, Loki was gorgeous.

Tony turned back to his project and couldn't help but remember what it had been like with Pepper, the way he'd had to hide his suits, ashamed of what they said about him, of what they meant. They were a physical representation of his trauma, he knew that, but he didn't want to stop creating them. They brought him a sense of safety that nothing else did, knowing that he had an arsenal at his disposal, that he had protection from whatever life could throw at him next.

It was something he  _ needed _ to feel balanced. Without them, it felt like the world was slipping through his fingers. Like safety was a distant dream he'd never be able to completely remember. The few weeks he had spent forcing himself not to work on a single suit had felt like torture.

But now he doesn't  _ have _ to stop, not since Pep had left him after the whole showdown with Killian. There had been a few long, empty months where he'd been alone and blamed himself for things that were out of his control. He'd learned, slowly, that it wasn't his fault Pepper had left, that in the end, they just hadn't worked out. It wasn't his fault if there were parts of him—and Iron Man would  _ always _ be a part of Tony Stark—that Pepper just couldn't accept.

When Loki had first shown up on Earth, dwarfed in Thor's shadow, hesitant and defensive in equal measure, Tony had been single and while not quite ready to mingle, he had definitely been ready to flirt.

And Loki was exactly his type—which was gorgeous, stubborn geniuses—and they entertained a fun, lighthearted flirtation-ship for months. It was good for both of them—it helped Tony with being single and not falling back into the bad habits that had always accompanied that status—and it helped bring Loki out of his shell, at least with Tony. Slowly, that developed into something deeper, during long nights spent sharing space in the lab, standing up for one another while others wished to see them as nothing other than a villain, and taking care of one another so no one else had to see them weak.

They had been dating—courting, as Loki insisted on calling it—for months. Months that had been some of the best of Tony's life. They clicked in a way that Tony had never clicked with anyone before. Their broken edges fit together in such a way that they  _ understood _ the other's hardships. Hell, they each had their own boatload of Daddy Issues that made it easy to relate.

More than that though, was that Loki was  _ brilliant. _ He could keep up with Tony in a way that no one but J.A.R.V.I.S had ever been able to. He has millennia worth of knowledge but comparatively knew very little about earthly science, and they both managed to incite the other with what they knew. 

Pushing himself away from his work counter, Tony accepted that he was too distracted to get any more work done. With a wave and a single word to J.A.R.V.I.S everything was saved. A look to the side showed that it was nearly midnight—while that wasn’t considerably late for them, Tony figured they could head up to bed early for some proper alone time. 

Tony popped his back as he stood up, groaning loud enough to pull Loki’s attention. The god was watching him as he walked over, and his book and tea vanished by the time Tony reached him. A noise sounded out through the room to signify the day changed, and Tony grinned when he realized what that meant for the date. 

“Merry Christmas, Lo,” Tony wished, reaching out a hand and pulling Loki to his feet when he took it. Their palms fit together perfectly, and Tony let Loki tuck him under his chin in a familiar hug. 

“Merry Christmas to you as well, Anthony,” Loki said against his ear, his voice soft in the quiet room. Tony wrapped his arms around Loki’s waist and held him tightly. “It’s been a wonderful year, my love.”

Tony nodded, finding himself too choked up to speak. He buried his face in Loki’s neck and breathed him in, drawing comfort from the familiar scent and the familiar feeling of being tucked into Loki’s arms. It was alright—he didn’t need to speak for Loki to know what he wanted to say, and the taller man ran a comforting hand up and down his back until Tony’s throat was clear and his eyes were no longer stinging. 

Pulling back, he stared up into Loki’s green eyes and cupped his face, running his thumbs over the sharp cuts of his cheekbones, before whispering, “I love you, Lokes.”

“Oh Antony,” Loki breathed, resting their foreheads together before he returned the sentiment softly with, “I love you more than I have ever loved another.”

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi to me on [tumblr](https://lavender-lotion.tumblr.com/)!  
> comments and kudos are much appreciated!


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